how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
