I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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