Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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