hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
