I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Panties = found
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
