So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
