I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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