New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
