I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
