If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
