so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
