You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Damn victory sex feels great
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
