Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
