Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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