i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
