Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
