I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
