Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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