your thong is hanging out like whoa
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
