just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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