Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
