i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
