it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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