wakey wakey hands off snakey
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize