I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
