I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
