I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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