so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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