is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
