If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
