So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
