your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
