do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
