no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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