my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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