this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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