Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
