Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
