my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
