My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
