Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
