Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
