This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Found your dick twin last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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