laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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