I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
