There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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