he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
