I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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