She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
