I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
