alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
