hotel room ftw
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
