How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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