Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
