We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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