Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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